Blah, Blah, Blog...
Found your glasses...
Hey baby,
I found your glasses - the ones you lost 2 years ago - they were behind the microwave! I was so excited that I wanted to call you at work to tell you, but then I remembered that you are not there anymore. I don't know how many times in the last few months that I've discovered things that I wanted to tell you - things that nobody else in the world would care about, but you and I would jump up and down and say "YAY" about... For instance, I discovered that the plugs on the other side of your kitchen are on a separate circuit. So I moved the microwave to the other wall and it will no longer knock out the power to your apartment...
And I keep stumbling across little questions that I want to ask you (When did we go there? Who told us that story? What was the name of that movie?) . Every time these little questions pop up, it's like a kick in the stomach... I can live without the answers to these questions, but I can't seem to get over the utter devastation I feel every time I get the urge to reach out to you just to remember that you are not here...
Right now, I'd be in the process of planning your 35th birthday if you were still here... We would have done something big... We agreed that I could only throw you a big party on multiples of 5's... and this would have been the first big party I would have been able to throw for you... It's not fair. I miss you so much.
Sometimes I ache so much for you I don't know how to stand it... It was like when I first got back from the hospital with my knee injury -- no matter how I positioned my knee it would still ache deep inside. And no matter how much I try to focus on happy thoughts, or distract myself with friends, I still ache for you deep inside. I know that I can't get you back, but I don't ever want to get over you, so in a weird way, the ache is a comforting reminder of how much I still love you. I know we said it a thousand times a day, but I'll say it again: I love you, baby.
You know, it's really inconvenient to be atheist. I really wish I could send you an e-mail. I'd send it to Wurm@heaven.com if I thought it would get to you... but instead it will just be a painful reminder for me that you are gone, and it serves as just another attempt for me to work out some of my grief... This sucks. I miss my baby.
Mecca, Mecca,
Stephen
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